Digging some Happy out of a Dreary Day

A few happy notes on a dreary day:

1.| One of my friends at work complimented my new hair, and asked if I always planned the coordinated debut outfit that goes perfectly with my new hair styles. When I told him that the outfit was picked out on Sunday, far before the spurious decision on the hair color, we agreed that I just knew how to work my color palette. Bwa ha ha ha! Me? Know anything about clothes? Reedicoolus.

2.| The aroma of the chana masala drew the lunch lurkers like crazy. Why, yes. Yes it does smell good. It tastes even better!

3.| The Troentorp clogs seem to be working so far. Who knew that wooden insoles could be – dare I say it – comfy. The idea was so foreign to me that I thought it at least as likely that a wooden baseball cap would feel nice on my head. Maybe one would. Who knows? That’ll teach me to keep my mind open.

4.| I’m still on the diet. I’m not losing weight real fast, but I am definitely feeling my clothes becoming looser and my mind is radically calmer. So much so that people have gone so far as to ask if anything’s wrong. Nope. Just mellow. I guess that eliminating a 24 oz coffee and 3 Diet Mountain Dews a day – plus all the hidden sugar – can help with that.

5.| I’m looking forward, in a few days, to being able to fling more “nice” around the office. An extreme impediment will soon be removed and I believe that about 250 lbs of negativity is going to be lifted off my shoulders. It could be a really fun place…we’ll see…

6.| Singing harmony with my honey. It is always fun.

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As mentioned in the previous post, stuff has been nasty-weird and bummerific lately. Some especially bad episodes have made this particular day really heavy to carry.

I’ve mentioned it before, but I know I am luckier than many. Still, our own personal “hard” belongs to us and we’re inside of it. Fighting against the tendrils that keep us down is what’s important. There are always going to be people who are better off and worse off than you are. I think that keeping that in perspective helps me to keep from getting too far down, but also gives me something to strive for.

How about you? Tell me about one happy you had today, so I can get a few vicarious thrills through you.

A Little Too Personal

Written 08/30/11

A few things that made me happy today:

1.| During the car ride home: singing inappropriate songs in a Bessie Smith voice. Like Van Halen’s “Panama.” Other favorites included Dolly Parton’s “9 to 5,” Queen’s “Another One Bites the Dust,” and the Weird Al Yankovic medley version of “Sweet Cherry Pie.”

2.| Getting a faboo haircut from the lovely Bridgett Dohmen at Rochelle’s in Eau Claire.

3.| Matt washed my hair tonight after I colored it. Having him wash my hair is one of the things I like best in the world. It turned out hella less red than I wanted, but it will fade up as it always does. Or I’ll just color it again…

4.| My shoes came in the mail! I bought a pair of Troentorp clogs at the State Fair, but they didn’t have my size there, so they shipped a pair to me and they were on my doorstep today. I love getting things in the mail. Since I hate shopping, that works out. Also, they have hobnails, which makes them extra cool.

5.| Got to connect with a friend for a while. We have the same sense of humor. We’re like little junior high boys, snickering about stupid jokes. Tonight’s gigglefest subject: Emo Phillips. It’s okay. You don’t have to understand.

6.| Andy Partridge (late of XTC) wrote the theme for “Wonderfalls,” and it still makes me happy every time I hear it. It is so complex, layered, and interesting that my brain isn’t nearly done chewing on it.

7.| I made chana masala tonight and the house smells dreamy.

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This has been a more than weird year. My lovely boss retired, and I got three new “bosses” in his place. They are lovely, too, but it will be a lot of adjusting. My parents retired and they’ll be able to relax (hopefully) and enjoy the grandkids.

Matt was diagnosed with sleep apnea and we’ve dealt with all the strange-iosity that comes with a whole new setup. In addition, he hurt his shoulder at some point last year. He is in pain a good chunk of the time. He’s done physical therapy, massage, chiropractic, cortisone shots…and nothing seems to help. It’s hard for me to see him in pain all the time. Really hard.

We are also both state employees. Under the new budget bill, we are taking home about $500 less a month. We’ve always been frugal so we will survive, but it is a big punch in the gut. Deflating, demoralizing, defenestrating…think of a word with de- in the front of it, and it probably will fit.

I’m also taking nine graduate credits next semester. Three of the credits are already mostly done, but it is still a big, looming wall of OMFG.

I guess my point is that almost every piece of ground, flooring, and carpet has shifted under my feet within the last few months. There’s more that I don’t care to share, but part of the reason I did this project was to try and mitigate some of the difficulty I’ve had with it all.

A few of you have said that you’ve enjoyed my blog and I thank you for that. When looking at the little bits of joy in my day, though, I just found that pretty much all I was talking about was what I ate. I hate it when all people talk about is what they ate. It is boring.

Relaxing...

So here’s the roundup:

1.| Slept in a iittle this morning. It felt good. Matt had to work so I got to hog the whole bed to myself and steal his body pillow.

2.| Today’s discovery: pad thai made with cabbage as the noodles.  Sweat some onions, add garlic, ginger, and soy sauce, toss in cabbage ribbons, and saute until limp. Add a little peanut butter and there you go. I also ate a bunch of cabbage noodles and garlic with beef stir fry for supper. We’ll see how that works out for me tomorrow when I’m back at work.

3.| Got in a workout while watching Le Late Late Show avec Craig Ferguson a Paris. That’s always good for a laugh; although I think he shines when he has a live studio audience. Just sayin’…

4.| Finished up my final paper for one of my classes. I thought I was done and then I was taken with a brain fever that ultimately netted me more sources and transformed the Vague Assertions I was trying to put forth into Documentable Hard Proof, suckas!

5.| Got financial aid taken care of for next year. Really, I’d rather get a filling that do financial aid stuff. For some reason, I’m scared that I’m going to screw it up, and the Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith are going to show up at my house and shine the little flashy thing at me, and I won’t remember anything I learned during my whole master’s program. Well, not really, but I do get pretty nervous that I’m going to screw it up…

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In the past, it’s been hard for me to relax and just enjoy time to myself. With everything going on in my life, my brain is usually filled with “oughtas” and “shoulds.” On vacations, I often overstructure my time to make sure I’m not missing anything. I was tempted to do that today – to push myself to go and have ‘adventures’ and ‘experiences.’ Sometimes, I’m so busy pushing and planning that I don’t pay attention to what I really want, and end up missing out on the current experience because I’m planning the next.

I chose instead to pay attention to today. I took care of some lingering tasks that I needed to accomplish, but I did what I wanted, mindfully, and enjoyed it. I did just enough to feel like I wasn’t a complete waste of skin, but not so much that I felt hurried. I got to linger over my lunch and kick back in the sunshine on my porch with some reading material.

What about you? Do you like the pace of your life? Do you push yourself all the time, or do you really, honestly relax sometimes? If you push yourself all the time, is it because you like to, or because you feel compelled? If you try to relax, do you feel guilty about it?

Shorty

Here’s the rundown for today:

1.| I made a really yummy supper tonight. We had sundried tomato and feta-stuffed chicken breasts cooked on a bed of roasting fennel. I’d never tried fennel before. That’s what celery’s SUPPOSED to taste like. Warning: if you don’t like black licorice you’re a wussie you won’t like this.

2.| I’ve lost 4.8 lbs on the new eating plan. Not bad for one week, I must say. Hopefully, I can match it during the second week of the opening sprint. Then all my clothes will fit for fall. Yay! That means I will probably have to go shopping. Boooooo!

3.| In related news, a pair of shorts that haven’t fit all summer are now viable. Another yay! Good thing, too, because I’m sick of walking around the neighborhood in my underwear.

4.| Matt’s sleep test results came in and were not as bad as expected. He’s treatable! Hopefully soon he will be getting more than the equivalent of four hours of sleep a night. There’s also a good chance he will soon cease to sound like a lovesick walrus. And he’ll even be quiet while he’s sleeping!

5.| I sat in the sunshine playing a game for a while and managed to savor the moment with the hot sun on my arm. Bliss!

6.| I got a crack at Matt’s Esquire magazine before he did. What? A girl can’t read Esquire? Don’t be reedeecoolus.

7.| I turned in the symposium proposal. I don’t know if I did it right, but we’ll soon find out.

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So, this is the part where I muse, ponder, or blather. Today I pick…none! My poor old computer, Big Blue, is having some serious internal problems. My little netbook, EEEEE!, has been picking up the slack, but in the immortal words of Van Halen, she’s, “runnin’ a little bit hot tonight,” so I’ma go have fun.

Yesterday and Today

Yesterday

Yesterday’s happiness report is a little late, because I was out busy being happy last night. I thoroughly enjoyed the Wisconsin in Scotland reunion held at UW-River Falls. I met up with friends, ate great food (and weird food, like haggis), and laughed a lot.

There was the story about how I turned all my underwear blue the first week I was there, and how the fire marshall was giving us a safety talk downstairs while a bed upstairs was bursting into flames because of an untended curling iron, and how I stole a road sign and then brought it back because I felt guilty, and the story about the blind cleaning service…and…and…and…

Lots of fun and laughs and getting caught up.

Today

I ain’t gonna lie. Today was mostly crabby, but there are still a few highlights:

1.|  Sitting on the porch with a fauxjito, reading a book. Still tastes good even though it had no rum.

2.|  No headaches! Sugar and artificial crap-free for six days now. I think my body is starting to get used to it.

3.| Being outside in the sunshine at the Farmer’s Market and having my skin smart a little. I didn’t get sunburnt…just a little sunpinched. I’m especially glad that I can trust Matt to find ways to make all the veggies we bought taste good.

4.| Meat loaf. Meaaaaaatttttloooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaf.

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I was seriously grouchy and irritable today, and was snappish with Matt. It made me think back to a conversation I had with a friend recently.  It was regarding the phrase, “If Momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.”

I disagree. Not particularly mommas, but anybody. Just because I’m feeling bad, cranky or irritable, does not give me the right to go off on somebody and make them as miserable as I am. I’ve done it before and making others suffer because of my mood is just going to make me feel worse, and like less of a person.

I’ve also heard the phrase, “Feelings are not an excuse for bad behavior.” As much as I feel like someone should “pay” for “making” me feel a certain way, that isn’t the way kind people operate. First of all, if someone acts, that is beyond my control. The only thing I do have control over is how I react. What kind of person I am is encapsulated in that moment of reaction. I get to choose between being mean and being forgiving. I get to choose between keeping it going or ending the argument. I get to choose whether I lash out, or cut someone slack.

I did apologize to Matt, but I shouldn’t have had to. I should have made the right choice in the first place. Then there’s not an injury to repair, or a hole in the fabric to stitch up. Once said, it can never be unsaid. I want to make the right choice, so I am going to work harder at doing that.

Obstacles

Either it’s going to be a long post, or I’m-a gonna SUMMARIZE!

1.|  I like recipe hunting and researching stuff on the internet. I got to spend a little time doing that today on my day off. How did we get answers to all our stupid questions before the internet? I love the internet and want to marry it and make little baby internets with it.

(No, not really) ((But I do love it))

2.|  I went to Hu Hot for lunch! Hu haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! They’re really cool about helping me with my shrimp allergy, and they have all sorts of stuff I can eat. Like monkey tongues.

3.|  Despite aggravating computers-being-pukey-circumstances, I did turn in a draft of the proposal for the symposium. I wonder if my professor will have a chance to review it before it’s due. If not, oh well. But you miss 100% of the shots you never take.

4.|  Went over to my lovely mother-in-law’s house tonight for supper. We had a wonderful meal and a great time just hanging out. And we traded RECIPES! Did I mention that I like recipe hunting? I Think I Did!

5.| Still feeling headachey BUT my mind is calm again today. I like this wave and will ride it all the way to Hawai’i if given half a chance.

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So I drink this Good Earth Tea stuff. It’s super sweet and spicy, but one of the best parts is the tag on the tea bag. Each one has a philosophical quotation on it. If I like them, I pull them of f the string and stick them in my pants pocket and look at them throughout the day.

One from yesterday said, “"I have learned that success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed." – Booker T. Washington.  That one said a lot to me.

I know my life is PRIMO, but I have had my struggles, as have we all. Sometimes I worry that I haven’t done ENOUGH with my life. Since I’m always busy, it may seem odd that I think that way. With work, grad school, and a fairly steady freelance business, I need to focus on these things that I’ve achieved in the context of the obstacles I’ve overcome to achieve them.

Also, I know that I’m not where I want to be as a person…yet. Right now I’m laying a foundation for what I want next. Even if that path seems vague and far away, I am working on it.

So how about you? Are you moving in a direction that you want to go? Are you doing things now that will enable a better, happier you later? Are you clearing obstacles? Or just trying to discover a way around them?

Just a Normal Day...For Me

Let’s get started:

1.|  NO HEADACHE!!! WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!!! I think I might be past the worst of my sugar withdrawal. I only fantasized about chocolate frosting a few times today, and in my fantasy it was on CELERY!

(No, not really.)

2. | My delightful husband made a wonderful packed lunch for me today, which I forgot at home. Despite the error, I stuck to my eating plan NO PROBSKI.  And I didn’t even have to gnaw my arm off!

3.|  I was so busy at work that time went by very quickly and I got a lot of junky crappy stupid junk done.

4.|  Stirfry for supper! HOLLA! We got to eat outside on the porch! DOUBLE HOLLA!!

5. | Best of all, I felt full before the food was gone at each of my meals…and I Actually Stopped Eating the Food That Was Still in Front of Me. Can you tell my brain has been scrambled by this turn of events?  In addition, I’ve been walking about with my mouth agape, and my eyeballs hanging out by their springs. I am just THAT surprised.

6.|  I’m enjoying a cup of licorice spice tea in the mug My Mom gave me. It is pale green, and says the word  JOY on one side and has the Chinese character for “joy” on the other side. At least I hope so. Since I don’t read Chinese, it could very well say, “subtle bicycle armpits,” or “fenced pewter cello” and I wouldn’t know. It probably says, “Your country owes us several trillion dollars. Enjoy your tea before we round you up and sell you all off, organ by organ.”

On second thought, I think I’ll stick with JOY.

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Today I was calm. For most of the day, anyway. There were a few irritants, but it was mainly a roll-with-it-y kind of a day.

Lately my brain has been behaving kind of like those squirrels who were goofing around in my backyard the other day. It’s been hopping around in circles…round and round…busy, anxious, worried. Today, it was like the squirrels were having a calm little tea party (the nice kind), sitting at a white-painted-cast-iron patio set, sipping daintily at steaming cups of Valium Tea.

Yes, I know  there is no such thing, but wouldn’t it be funny? Of course it would be no time at all before they’d have slid to the fronts of the chairs, with an arm hooked over the back, head tilted toward the sun, eyes closed, with their little tongues hanging out.

So, my brain was calm. Answers to questions seemed obvious. There was very little dithering and indecisiveness. I was able to follow a thought path from the time a conversation was sidetracked by a related story ALLLLLLLLLL the way back to the point I was trying to make. Two or three times!! I know, right?!

That makes for a mighty nice day. Nothing big deal, but just enjoyably normal.

How about you? What’s your criteria for an enjoyably normal day?